I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
