I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
