Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
