just tell him i said nine months
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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