I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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