My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize