i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
