I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
