my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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