I think my vagina is haunted
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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