Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
