all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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