he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
