we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
