I can text with my tongue
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize