I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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