Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
