The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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