Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you would pick up someone in the library
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
