EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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