he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
