real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my phone needs a breathalizer
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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