i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i believe in u and ur pee
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
