I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
