I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did i walk over a car last night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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