girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
