just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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