Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
