Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
