dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
