$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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