I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
