Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
