Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
