Your face is a jimmy john
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
