Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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