Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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