Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
