WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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