Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
