I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
