it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
