Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
