so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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