For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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