I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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