I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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