Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
