Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
