She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
