I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
