It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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