hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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