Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
