I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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