dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to align my fucking chakras
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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