she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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