In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
