tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
