I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
